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Zombies + Freemasons = Awesome (UPDATED!)

Hardcore Zombiephiles are almost a fraternal brotherhood (and sisterhood) unto themselves; although we might not have a secret handshake, community outreach programs, or, in fact, any organization whatsoever, we nonetheless unite around the common axis of zombie survival, engaging in often impassioned debate about the future of our society and our planet.

But zombiephiles aren’t the only fraternal organizations out there with an interest in zombies. As we discovered this week, the Freemasons may, in fact, have dabbled in zombie hunting centuries before Romero’s legendary pseudo-documentary “Night of the Living Dead” raised awareness of the growing ignorance regarding the walking dead.

The Tao of Masonry, an often humorous blog focused on all things Masonic, posted a fascinating article this week discussing the possibility (nay, probability) that the Freemasons were, in fact, the earliest zombie hunters on earth, which would mean that we most likely owe our existence today to their efforts.

From the article:

We suspect that there is still a core group, an inner cadre of Freemasons who are knowledgeable about the existence of the revenants, and who still maintain the agreements with world governments so as not to cause wide-spread panic. While we still believe that such cases are rare because of modern technology and medicine, there is some evidence that whatever causes zombieism has not been eradicated. Occasional news reports of unusual animal maulings, unexplained violent attacks, or mysterious disappearances of people hiking in wilderness or areas of low population seem to indicate that the dangers of zombie infestation are still a small, but extant threat.

Whether you’re a conspiracy theorist or not, you’ve got to admit that the author, Tom Accuosti, seems to be on to something. We await further enlightenment (and official comment from the Freemasons) about this startling revelation.

UPDATE: The final installment of Tom Accousti’s shocking, revelatory expose on the connections between the Freemasons and Zombies has been published! Get the PDF that the Masons don’t want you to know about! This thing is bigger than the Da Vinci code!

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