The Zombiephiles – Because You Love Zombies. - Zombies. You love zombies. That's OK. We love Zombies too. Zombie movies, comics, and culture, eviscerated. Welcome to the Zombiephiles.

Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was A Zombie Too, I Mean)

Listen up – zombies aren’t all stinky, ugly, and brain-craving. In reality, it’s a little known fact that zombie chicks are totally easy, and recent zombie movies have featured a handful of female zombies who actually approach real-life-hotness. In an effort to strengthen human-zombie relations, we’ve announced the Zombiephiles Hottest Hotties, or “Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was a Zombie Too, I Mean). Sit back and enjoy zombiephiles, and remember – becoming a zombie is a fate better than death, as long as these zombie hotties are around.

Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was a Zombie Too, I Mean)

5.
“Number Nine” From Land of the Dead.

Yeah, I'd hit that - with a baseball bat.

Yeah, I'd hit that - with a baseball bat.


Number Nine, that softball-outfit clad zombie blonde from George Romero’s Land of the Dead is a definitively hot zombie. I mean, c’mon, just look at her! Relatively little mutilation, reasonably fresh, and you can really tell that there used to be a smokin’ hot hottie under all that zombie. In fact, Jennifer Baxter, the actress that played Number Nine, is totally smokin’ hot in real life as well.

land-of-the-dead-02Plus, Number Nine has a lot of beauty on the inside. Although Land of the Dead takes place years into the zombie outbreak, the first time we see Number Nine, she’s still holding her old softball bat. What dedication! She must have been holding that bat for years. I love a girl that doesn’t stray from her passions.

4.
Those Zombie Nurses from Silent Hill.

You must admit, they've got nice racks.

You must admit, they've got nice racks.

OK, OK, so the nurses from Silent Hill aren’t really technically zombies, they’re like, demon-projection alternate dimension thingies. And OK, they’re absolutely terrifying and jerky and make me almost crap myself sometimes. But, I must point out, they’re dressed as nurses, and they have big tits, and they’ve been kind enough to cover their faces, which I gather must be pretty awful. Still, though, I bet they’re real conversationalists if you take the time to buy them lunch and get to know them.

3.
The Corpse Bride.

C'mon, you'd do her. Johnny Depp did.

C'mon, you'd do her. Johnny Depp did.

You know, I don’t get what all the fuss is about. So she’s a corpse – so what? She’s a HOT corpse! That movie would have made more sense if she was like, actually gross or something, but as it stood, she was just kind of greyish. I’ll take a greyish zombie hottie any day! Besides, she’s fully conversant and everything, fully functional – a real steal when it comes to zombie girlfriends. The obvious drawback, of course, is that marriage comes with the package – like zombieness, a fate worse than death.

Ads of the Living Dead.