A wave of Zombie survival manuals have popped up recently, this one included, telling people what they should do during an outbreak of zombies. Thing is, nobody’s talking about what people shouldn’t do during a zombie outbreak.
Fortunately for you, our Zombiephile has scoured popular zombie movies and has isolated the Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak. Sit back, enjoy, and take notes, Zombiephiles.
Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak
Just what I needed - zombies AND third-degree burns.
We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death – more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe – chances are good that there won’t be much fire-fighting infrastructure in place during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.
Despite what it may look like, she's not coming in for a big zombie hug.
Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food – worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings – neither should you.
Now, I'm not saying it was you. I'm saying it was Ed.
Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.
Actually, you probably shouldn't keep living family members in the basement, either.
Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?
Don't have a nice cup of tea and wait for this all to blow over. It's a rubbish idea.
Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.
[...] ZombiePhiles.com had a great article on what you SHOULDNT do during the Zombie outbreak. A wave of Zombie survival manuals have popped up recently, this blog included, telling people what they should do during an outbreak of zombies. Thing is, nobody’s talking about what people shouldn’t do during a zombie outbreak. [...]
[...] Durant une invasion de zombies. [...]
Really, I think that these are worth mentioning.
-Turning back to save the dumbass who wouldn’t listen to your zombie advice the first time. You both get chomped on.
-Undead is never dead. Forgetting that zombie extremeties may still be “alive” enought to bite, claw, or otherwise infect–See Evil Dead and Dead Next Door.
-Pet zombies don’t know that they are pets, and therefore, do not behave as such. See Stink of Flesh, 28 Days later, Dead Next Door… can’t wait to see Fido.
-Your friends, when zombified, are no longer friendly. Shoot them. See My Dead Girlfriend.
I shall remember that!
Funny stuff. Great post!
It’s not funny. It’s real. You’ll see.
Haha, Zombie Lyrics:
http://zonow.com/4
[...] Zombie Defense – Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak | The Zombie-Philes (tags: funny humor movies horror fun list) [...]
ROFL! Awesome article. Very, very amusing. And true, too. ;)
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[...] Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak – The Zombie-Philes A wave of Zombie survival manuals have popped up recently, this blog included, telling people what they should do during an outbreak of zombies. Thing is, nobody’s talking about what people shouldn’t do during a zombie outbreak. [...]
hahahah… is there such a thing like zombies? great!! heheh giverish focking things to think that there will be a zombie knockin at mah door
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[...] The Zombie-Philes » Blog Archive » Zombies – Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak 10) Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible. Hihihi… (tags: horror fun Zombie horrorfilm film) [...]
11. Don’t go to the Winchester (or similar beer garden, pub, bar, etc.)
Number One works with not just zombies but with every sort of situation. Dont be that arsehole !!!
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Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! xzulvaybdgwlmv
[...] Zombiephile dopo un’attenta visione di tutti i film horror-zombie ha trovato le le 10 cose da non fare [...]
Why not go see a show during the attack. Zombie Joes Underground Theatre is at ZombieJoes.com
Also, #10 Do not set zombies on fire – This is not only a good idea because they reek but also because they tend to wobble a little more than usual and bump into things. Well anything they bump into will then catch fire too. So now you not only need to worry about the structure you are encapsulated in, you also need to avoid a moving burning object coming at you who could care less that the whole shit house is about to come down on both of you… and whomever else is trapped.
[...] Oh and if we ever have a Zombie outbreak I highly encourage you to read this list of 10 things NOT to do in a Zombie attack. [...]
wow thanks for the tip, its really funny to read during office hours, and I’m thinking of what to do when a zombie outbreak happens here in the office im working at.
I´ve translated your wonderful text to portuguese(now your famous here too, lol) (…)Texto adaptado do site Zombiephiles, leia o original aqui(apesar do meu ser melhor e em português).
10 – JAMAIS toque fogo em um zumbi. Zumbis Flambados fedem, e muito.
A Gente sempre vê os idiotas fazerem isso em filmes e se darem muito mal, primeiro porque os zumbis flamejantes podem tocar fogo em outros zumbis, e segundo porque eles podem tocar fogo(…)
Marcelo, you are a true Zombiephile! Now the great nation of Portugal is one step closer to zombie-readiness!
its going to happen soon lock and barracade your self in the bathroom with food water and guns!!!!!!!!!!!
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[...] is important that you understand what to do and what Not to do during a Zombie outbreak. Here is what NOT to do… I guess you could tie them up with the ultimate knot. Here is the video on how to do [...]
hey hey guys here are my responses……
1. why the fuck would you not set zombies on fire?!?!?!?!that is dumb who cares if they smell bad at least you are saving your ass right?????
2. i agree dont get sentimental at least not to the point where you are fucking crying your eyes out you need to go and kick some zombie ass!!!!!!
3. most defintely close the door behind you that is like fucking common sense there.
4. defintely do not keep zombies in your basement guys thats just plan dumb…”no i cant kill my brother hes only been bitten” WHAT THE FUCK!!!! put a god damn bullet in the things head its no longer your brother ok!
5. what kind of shit is that you need as many members as possible if you want to live!!!!!! i mean i have this amamzing girlfriend and i said if zombies attack you are the first person im coming for not FUCK YOU!!! you save yourself this girl means more than the world to me so do not listen to that one.
6. dont listen to this one either broadcast….. like i said you want as many members as possible so broadcast and you get some help..
7. i agree with this dont stand in front of the window if you do what the fuck is wrong with you??????? thats practically wearing a sign that says come and eat me!!!!
8. dont listen to this one either get as fuckiong creative as you want if you plan on staying some where for a bit get as fucking creative as you possibly can because you shouldnt be wasting your ammo all the fucking time so get creative guys.
9.i agree dont be the ass whole in the group thats just plan dumb because if i had an ass in my group i would either shoot them or feed them to zombies and then shoot him.
#1) stop getting so worked up Zombie Slayer, and using that many f-bombs just proves what a small vocabulary you’ve got.
#2)Want zombie survival tips? read the Zombie Survival Guide (by Max Brooks)
[...] There have been many articles, videos, and postings on how to survive a zombie outbreak, the best of course being Max Brooks book. However I haven’t seen any what not to do, until now. I’m reposting the funny, informative, and helpful article from the zombiephiles. [...]
At least I can go to the burger place and get me a Quarter Pounder it’s not on the list. Ha Ha ! No bad zombie you have to wait until I finish my fries..!!
It is enough to make it funny’
Me crack itches somethin’ fierce… I think a Zombie licked it!
I hope this never happens, but i’m sue it will.I am ready for an outbreak.
Also, Rigging your fortress with mines or remote explosives may cause more harm then they do good. Not only can shrapnel rip through your defenses, it cant exactly distinguish between a zombie and your forehead. Plus in most zombie movies I’ve seen an explosion, regardless of the type, seems to light zombies on fire. Which is aforementioned very, very bad thing
I thinks the No.1 rule is NEVER EVER drop your flashlight, it’s always a bad thing, duct tape it to a gun or somthing, and always keep batteries handy.
Great list :D
I would add to the fire zombie area a little… the only thing worse than a zombie trying to eat your brains is a zombie on fire trying to eat your brain.
bahahahahha i loveeed this (:
dancing ?
i watch zombie fillmmmmmms all the time good advice dont lite a zombie on fire. i like all your advise ZOMBIES rule theyle come 1 day!!!!!
ZOMBIE FOOTAGE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHIfDFiIuUg
Lulz. The advice, esp. the last one really takes the cake.
[...] Click on through to head to the ZombiePhiles site for the full article, and a few good laughs. [...]
[...] ever cover natural disasters as well as nuclear disasters – Akin gives us some great advice on NOT burning zombies (link from David), plus the LiveJournal zombie community and a puppet show for kids! – ADR writes [...]
if you guys plan on staying in a building dont if you want to stay alive for years after z-day stay on the road with a fleet of trucks
shawn of the dead is pretty much the not to do zombie manual but its so funny
I’m excited for Z Day just so I can actually be something important in todays society.
[...] This Article One more survival guide from our friends at Zombiephiles. This is a guide to then ten worst things to do when facing down the Zombie Apocalypse. Since we started this story we’ve tried to give you a pretty clear view of some of the major [...]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJxFuRz0N_o
I will commit these to memory.
Kill them with big pinty sticks
For the love of god, don’t use a goddam hummer or cadillac as transport, because you wont even make it out of the city if you do.
@zombie slayer
Judging by your attitude and intelligence, you would be one of the first to either be bitten, or killed because your just really fucking annoying.
what the hell is this shit i love number 7 but if i was in that situation i would bang the girl befor i die hahaha
my bf got bit once and i had 2 shoot him.
@zombie slayer
That`s retard…i bet you will die in the first encounter with a zombie.
Funny article. Very true about setting zombies on fire. NOt to mention a burning zombie will just walk around catching other things on fire and then you have to fight the zombies and fire! That sucks!
zombiescantlove.blogspot.com
@Your mom & Zombie slayer = “that one asshole”