This is a new segment I like to call “My Two Moans.” It’s basically me ranting about zombies and zombie related things. You may be asking yourself, “Why do i care about what you say?” Well, the Zombiephiles said they want me, so…who’s better at speaking for me than me? Anyhow, here are my two moans:
My first rant is about Zombieland’s RULE #1 – CARDIO.
You zombiephiles may be telling yourself… “I’ve heard this rant before.” Well, what I want to talk about is my beef with this rule. Being a big zombiephile, I take offense to this rule. Not just cause I’m a fatty… but because it stereotypes big people incorrectly. Just cause someone is big doesn’t mean they are not agile or fast. When you’re at a party, who is the first guy to start doing backflips and splits? The fat guy. Who do they choose to be linemen in football team just so they can break through the offensive line and get to the quarterback as fast as possible? The fat guy.
Here’s a scenario: you’re a fat guy sitting at work behind your computer. Zombies attack. Everyone starts running around in a panic. You break through the skinny masses, grab the hottest chick you see and throw her over your shoulders – something not many little skinny guys can do. The door is jammed… OH NO! You crash through it like a rhino. Now who do you think has scored more points with the ladies – the skinny dude who tripped over his shoe string and was eaten up by zombies in a matter of seconds, getting his guts ripped out and slurped up like spaghetti noodles – or the big zombiephile hero? Case in point.
I just want to add… I don’t hate skinny people. All I’m saying is “give big peeps a chance.”