I was playing Stubbs The Zombie: Rebel Without a Pulse today and it got me thinking: if I were a zombie, what kind of zombie would I be?
I’d still be a big guy of course. Would that affect my ability to be a zombie? Since I’m not going to make it through the zombie apocalypse because of my bad cardio (according to some), I probably won’t make it as a zombie for the same reason. But if I were to get my hands on a non-infected, would I be as picky of an eater as I am now? Since i hate onions and spicy foods – does that rule out Mexicans and Indians? I do love Italian food but since I live in Texas, I think were a little short on Italians. At least, I’ve never met a real Italian around here.
Let’s look at the pros and cons of being a zombie. I’ll start with the cons.
- You’re undead.
- You’re stinky.
- You eat people.
- You’re in constant danger of being shot in the face by the un-infected.
- Your body is constantly decaying.
- Your only means of communication is moaning. one moan for yes, two moans for no?
- No sleep. (Editor’s Note: TILL BROOKLYN!)
- Eventually food will become hard to find.
- Nobody will want to invite you to hang out, as it’s socially unacceptable to eat your friends.
- You don’t have to pay bills.
- Great community. Notice how you always see big groups of zombies hanging out together.
- No more physical or emotional pain.
- You may turn into a special infected. In my case, I’d probably be a Boomer from Left 4 Dead.
- You get to crash through peoples windows unannounced and it would be considered totally normal for you to do so.
- You get to kill that one a-hole survivor (i.e., David from Shaun of the Dead)
That’s all i can think of now – Moan back and tell me some other pros and cons of being a zombie!