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Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was A Zombie Too, I Mean)

Listen up – zombies aren’t all stinky, ugly, and brain-craving. In reality, it’s a little known fact that zombie chicks are totally easy, and recent zombie movies have featured a handful of female zombies who actually approach real-life-hotness. In an effort to strengthen human-zombie relations, we’ve announced the Zombiephiles Hottest Hotties, or “Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was a Zombie Too, I Mean). Sit back and enjoy zombiephiles, and remember – becoming a zombie is a fate better than death, as long as these zombie hotties are around.

Five Zombies I’d TOTALLY Bone (If I Was a Zombie Too, I Mean)

“Number Nine” From Land of the Dead.

Yeah, I'd hit that - with a baseball bat.

Yeah, I'd hit that - with a baseball bat.

Number Nine, that softball-outfit clad zombie blonde from George Romero’s Land of the Dead is a definitively hot zombie. I mean, c’mon, just look at her! Relatively little mutilation, reasonably fresh, and you can really tell that there used to be a smokin’ hot hottie under all that zombie. In fact, Jennifer Baxter, the actress that played Number Nine, is totally smokin’ hot in real life as well.

land-of-the-dead-02Plus, Number Nine has a lot of beauty on the inside. Although Land of the Dead takes place years into the zombie outbreak, the first time we see Number Nine, she’s still holding her old softball bat. What dedication! She must have been holding that bat for years. I love a girl that doesn’t stray from her passions.

Those Zombie Nurses from Silent Hill.

You must admit, they've got nice racks.

You must admit, they've got nice racks.

OK, OK, so the nurses from Silent Hill aren’t really technically zombies, they’re like, demon-projection alternate dimension thingies. And OK, they’re absolutely terrifying and jerky and make me almost crap myself sometimes. But, I must point out, they’re dressed as nurses, and they have big tits, and they’ve been kind enough to cover their faces, which I gather must be pretty awful. Still, though, I bet they’re real conversationalists if you take the time to buy them lunch and get to know them.

The Corpse Bride.

C'mon, you'd do her. Johnny Depp did.

C'mon, you'd do her. Johnny Depp did.

You know, I don’t get what all the fuss is about. So she’s a corpse – so what? She’s a HOT corpse! That movie would have made more sense if she was like, actually gross or something, but as it stood, she was just kind of greyish. I’ll take a greyish zombie hottie any day! Besides, she’s fully conversant and everything, fully functional – a real steal when it comes to zombie girlfriends. The obvious drawback, of course, is that marriage comes with the package – like zombieness, a fate worse than death.

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  1. Leo

    I feel the phrase “I’d hit it” is apt here. Except it would have to be “I’d hit it… in the head with a shovel.”

  2. Drew Campbell

    I think you missed the boat… Melinda Clark has to be the #1 (well, Anna Falchi… hmmm…) hottest zombie chick ever on film…


  3. IllTemperedCur


    Linnea Quigley as “Trash” in Return of The Living Dead.


  4. J

    Seriously. Melinda Clarke in Return of the Living Dead III should not only be up there but she deserves a list within a list about all the reasons why. She played the bad-asszombie girlfriend in the almost Romeo and Juliet-esque movie (exept better, because hey, she was a zombie, so they actually had something to get worked up over) which was back up to par with the original in a way that made me almost forget about the awful 2nd one.

  5. Loki

    Maybe it’s just me but my vote is on Michell Rodriguez Form R.E.

  6. Mufasa

    i like the monster nurses. and the fact they they were all cheerleaders is even better…. they work out alot to keep tight. with tight nurse miniskirts on. oooooo

  7. The sign of a good zombie flick is when they get the chain saws out, in Boy eats girl they go one step better with the tractor mounted hedgerow trimmer. Fantastic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. SAS

    What about the Redhead from Return of the Living Dead.

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