Try as you may, there’s just no denying it—Z-Day is coming. And what better way to prepare yourself for fighting off the ravenous undead than a 6 pack, a wiimote, a free weekend and a copy of Onechanbara – Bikini Samurai Squad.
Contrary to what you may think, zombiephiles, stocking up on supplies and weapons and booking it top-speed out of town is not the way to proceed during a zombie outbreak; the correct course of action is, in fact, the very opposite — strip down to your bikini (or tighty-whities), grab your sharpest melee weapon and wade on in.
The premise for Onechanbara – Bikini Samurai Squad is just ridiculous. You play as one of a squad of super fine, slice-your-balls-off-while-doing-a-cartwheel manga babes on a mission to find out about something called Baneful Blood. This can only be achieved by slicing or punching your way through zombie-infested urban Japan. Aya is the older sister; her interests include wearing a bikini, boots, cowboy hat and a feather boa, because, you know, it can get a little nippy running around at night wearing no clothes on. Saki is the younger sibling who prefers slightly more clothing and seems to have some sort of blood and gore fetish. Her inner monologues can be a tad disturbing at times.
On to the action…
- Ah, let’s see, scantily clad ladies dismembering, decapitating and cock-punching redneck zombies holding chainsaws.
- Each character has a couple of different attack modes; Aya has single and double swords while Saki has single sword and beat mode, which as you might have guessed, is bare-fisted punching.
- The more zombies you kill, the bloodier your katana becomes and after a while it’ll become stuck in the torsos of the undead. It’s good for the occasional laugh. “Reloading” cleans your sword of gore and returns it to its sharpest state.
- Taunt – apparently cursing out a zombie can make steam come out of its ears.
- Decent range of zombies and beasts that must be killed using different tactics.
- Leveling up systems improves skills, vitality, power and reach.
- Has a lock on target system to keep your foe in center screen.
- Rampage mode – this sounds like it should be a good thing, and it is in a way as you can deal a lot more damage to the foe. The problem with it is it you need to kill about half a million zombies before you can activate it, then when using it, it’ll cost you an amount of your own vitality (health).
- Special attacks, again, should be cool, but each time you use one you sacrifice a portion of your vitality
- Orbs – once you’ve finished slaughtering a room full of zombies you’ve got to run back around the room collecting all the orbs they leave behind, as you need these to level up.
- Slow panning and tight camera angles make it difficult to see when you’re getting attacked from the rear.
- Zombies are exceedingly stupid – they’ll just stand there walking into a wall or small obstacle without ever finding a way around to you.
- Repetitive – pretty much the only way to attack is to flick down on the wiimote (3 times for a combo); you can throw in a little nunchuck action to make her kick, but that’s about all. Swinging it side to side does nothing.
- Aya, while standing still, breathes so hard it causes her hips to thrust from side to side and her jubblies to jiggle vigorously. I guess this may be sexy to the average 13 year old male gamer, but if you saw this in real life, you’d probably think she was in need of immediate medical attention.
- You can punch zombies to death – zombiephiles will know that the fastest way to get yourself zombiefied is to attempt to kill the undead with anything but a ranged weapon. So the idea of running into the fray with a katana or bare fists is almost too much to handle. It’s about as smart as attempting to crowd surf your way over the horde.
A bit too repetitive to keep a serious gamer interested but if you’re after a couple of hours a week stress release/perv it might be ok. It’s also available on XBox 360. Here’s the first 10 minutes of gameplay from the dudes at wiiminuteradio.com to help you decide: