Now, I know lots of you read last week’s Zombie Weapon Guide – Ten Zombie Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own – I hope you’ve got your zombie weapons already selected, because the zombie outbreak is right around the corner.
This week we’re coming back to zombie defense and zombie weapons, but from a different angle – Armor against zombies. You didn’t think yer buddy Chester was gonna send you out there buck naked, didja? I scoured Grandma and Uncle Ned’s place this week and I’ve come up with a pretty good list of zombie armor for the zombie weapon guide.
Found in the homes of athletes everywhere. Ace bandages make better defense against zombies than you’d think – they can fill in the in-between spaces in your zombie armor and affords moderate protection from the bites of zombies without cramping your mobility.
Relive your glory days. For zombie defense, athletic pads like football, rugby, or hockey can be useful, protecting against zombie bites and allowing you to get up close and personal with the zombies. For best results, avoid Goalie equipment – it’s bulky and makes it hard to run from zombies.
They may not look like much, but knee-length Gaiters, essentially sleeves for your legs, can protect you against not only the constant Zombie threat (high quality gaiters are cut resistant and may stop bites from zombies) but they keep your feet nice and dry – believe me, the only thing worse than zombies is zombies when you have trench foot.
You’ve seen zombie movies – you know where zombies always bite you. In the neck. Don’t be zombie food, man – wear some neck protection, like a paintball neck guard. Alternately, motorcycle helmets with neck protection may also work, but may restrict mobility.
Look, it’s a zombie apocalypse, not a fashion show. This motorcycle body armor affords excellent mobility and heavy padding to get you back on the bike and away from those zombies.