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Poll – Zombies Vs. The Wehrmacht

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There's nothing quite like a zombie in uniform.

This week’s zombie faceoff is a politically and historically charged topic, one that has been discussed ad nauseum by this Zombiephile’s friends, family, and fellow zombie slayers; we felt that it was well past time we put the question to you, zombie fans of the world: Who would win, zombies or the Nazi war machine?

Zombies VS The Wehrmacht

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Zombies Vs. The Wehrmacht – who would win? The question has plagued historians and zombie fans alike for decades – finally, you zombiephiles will have the chance to answer it.

Just how would Hitler‘s minions face against throngs of the undead? How would the Luftwaffe fare against massive armies of the walking dead? Would the Kriegsmarine have any tactical advantage at all over endless mobs of the zombiefied Heer?

It’s like Wolfenstein, except that the zombies and the nazis aren’t the same people. Zombies have their usual strengths and weaknesses, and the Wehrmacht is – well, it’s a war machine. Zombies can turn nazi soldiers into zombies themselves, and the Germans have Rommel.

Tough call, zombie fans. You decide.

Moans.

  1. Julius

    I think that Zombies would win, hands down – we all saw how Wolfenstein went down!

  2. michael

    ok well this is the deal, this one is a toss up. Zombies always get the best of solders and they would probably do the same over time with the nazi. But then you have the secret nazi police, they would find all the zombies’ secret hiding places, as well as anyone who was bitten trying to hide it.

  3. Meiter

    From my experience Zombies always win!

  4. Hillbert

    No contest, Zombies all the way!

  5. MajMike

    While rendering zombies their due, the Wehrmacht had great basic rifles for killing Z’s. The Mauser was bolt-action which prevented wasting ammo, and an incredibly accurate weapon in trained hands (and the Wehrmacht, especially in the beginning of the war, was very well trained). Add to this the heavy wooden stocks and efficient bayonet (eye socket size), and you had an all-around great Zed killer.

    Zombies would still win, due to numbers, but the Wehrmacht would perform as well or better than any regular army.

  6. I’m not sure about these things, but I would bet that the zombies would win

  7. Josella

    Oi Zombiephile, are you going to put up another poll, or are you just minge-teasing old Josella?
    Ps. Not sure if the U-boats would be under much threat from the zombies, though the German submariners might find refuelling hard with the likes of Hamburg occupied by the zombies.

  8. Walsall Swift

    Now lets get this straight.I thought the werhmacht was the name for the army, but people are talking about the whole armed forces. To me it makes a great deal of difference. I think the zombies would eveentually beat the German foot soldiers, but u-boats, jets and tiger tanks would be a different story. How exactly does a zombie get into a tank? DFair point about the re-fuelling though, but I still think German engineering would triumph.

  9. Max

    Wehrmacht means the whole shibang. Army, Navy, Air Force…But not the secret police. Or the Schutzstaffel (SS).
    Zombies are always deadly mofo’s, but lets not forget what the Nazi’s had. Tanks, planes, and the FlammenWerfer…And killing them with fire always seems to work.

  10. @Max: setting them on fire? Then you just have a FLAMING zombie trying to eat you.

    But yeah, the air force could blanket bomb high concentration areas then the panzers go in after them. Against normal infantry the Zs win, but brining tanks into the equation changes everything.

  11. Alhazred

    i think the true deciding factor has been overlooked here. rational thinking.

    zombie numbers don’t really matter here. (side note: there weren’t exactly 6 billion people on the planet during wwii folks :P …but i digress…) it wouldn’t matter if the wehrmacht had to face off against TWELVE billion undead. zombies are slow-moving, unintelligent sacks of meat. easy targets for a well-trained, well-equipped mass of well-coordinated soldiers. providing the nazis have the luxury of huge stockpiles of weaponry and ammunition, (which they did…) the infantry ALONE would have a damn good chance of effectively removing the zombie threat. add large amounts of devastating machinery such as tanks, cannons, air support, battleships, quite possibly nuclear weapons after a short amount of time, etc etc etc and the zombie hordes don’t stand much of a chance. in fact, big bad adolf would probably have just sat back and cracked a beer while the zombies had their fun with the rest of the world before sweeping in to finish the deed and claim the then-uninhabited globe as an aryan trophy.

    no. the only threat to nazi victory resides in the human mind. as long as the german chain of command was able to maintain a semblance of order, our rotting friends would be ground beef in no time… but what if it couldn’t? what if seeing friends, family, and fellow men-at-arms turned into kraut-style happy meals actually had an effect on the minds of the men in uniform? granted… the nazi war machine has a very good track record with that sort of thing. we’re all well aware of the party’s ability to cope with viewing (and committing) atrocities. if we were hold a contest to see who the most calloused and apathetic assholes in history were, the nazis would probably run a close second behind roman catholics. (xD sorry. i shouldn’t have said that. lol) if there were any group of people prepared to deal with this sort of thing, these would be the guys. but killing people who you’ve been taught are the root of all evil and gunning down family members is a bit of a different story. things are a bit different when it’s your seven-year-old daughter on the other end of the barrel – even if she’s trying to tear you limb from limb.

    SOOOOOOOOOOOO yeah. victory/defeat would depend on german ability to remain relatively sane and well organised. personally, i think they’ve got this little contest in the bag. either way, i think i’ll start practicing my german. i don’t think moaning and shuffling my feet will help me get on very good terms with zombies regardless of how many outbreaks Simon Pegg and Bill Murray have dealt with.

  12. Alhazred

    ps. i totally just made an account. this poll got me hooked.

  13. 3 comment wonder

    Yeah I agree with alzhared – the fucker.

  14. Zam138

    At on of the last things alhazred said, why does the Spanish inquisition come to mind…? All Mr. Kaiser would have to do is install commissars like their russian counterparts did in WWII, and adapt that to both German mindsets and the German’s situation: how to fight a war against loved ones trying to eat you? Make it so that they could stand to watch, endure, and… ‘Kill’ the zombies not because they had to for their survival, but for the good of the fatherland. This, people, is why both the German empire and the third reich were so extraordinary. They set aside petty disagreements to fight for what was right in their eyes, or what was right for their country. And their situation was a black or white one: either shoot the ones that you love, or have the entire flank be routed because of your actions; if one guy runs, others start to think the same way too. But just because you, Herr unteroffizier, lost your wife and children does not mean that you can abandon all hope because your life’s in a shithole. The men that are around you and that you command will have families of their own, who fight to protect that which they will save or die. To have a part above one’s self, to protect all of the Vaterland. This is why they fought.

    Sorry for the rant…

  15. gottmituns

    i guess in the end zombies will prevail. yes the army can slaughter them. but the zombies are contagious. the disease will take over everyone eventually.

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