The Zombiephiles – Because You Love Zombies. - Zombies. You love zombies. That's OK. We love Zombies too. Zombie movies, comics, and culture, eviscerated. Welcome to the Zombiephiles.

WTF Happened to the Zombiephile?!!

You may be wondering, WTF happened to the Zombiephile? For months now, you might have been saying things to yourself like, “Wow, that Zombiephile used to be such a dedicated zombie blogger,” and “Boy, that Zombiephile used to write really funny zombie outbreak articles,” and “Gee whiz, that Zombiephile is really sexy and has a huge penis.”

Neither one of these people is the zombiephile.

Neither one of these people is the zombiephile.

Whichever it was, your quietly muttered prayers have been answered. The Zombiephile has completed his sentence in the Soviet Gulag (yes, they still have those, but just for Zombiephiles) and, in a frustratingly exciting escape sequence, has managed to make off with the Soviets‘ secret of fire.

Yes, I’m back. I couldn’t access the site for a long time (Gulag internet is notoriously spotty), but I paid out the nose and bought a dedicated IP address so I could get back up here and warn you of the looming zombie apocalypse. The zombie outbreak WILL happen, it’s simply a matter of when and where. Don’t get caught with your pants down – add the Zombiephiles’ RSS feed to your newsreader and get the latest zombie outbreak news delivered right to your inbox.

We’ve got a wealth of new content planned for the coming weeks, including our Zombie Showdown section, which will pit Zombies against…well, other stuff, and YOU get to decide who would win. I’ll give you a hint – it’s usually the zombies. Either way, check back and by this time next week, you’ll be looking at some exciting new Zombie polls, zombie movie reviews, and how-to guides to prepare you against the looming zombie outbreak and subsequent zombie apocalypse.

Until then: Zombiephiles of the world, unite!

Moans.

  1. I can confirm that the Zombiephile did have a large penis. However, it has suffered the affects of undead decomposition, and now resides inside the bum of Ivan the Gulag Guard (don’t judge him until you’ve tried to survive a Siberian winter), and will remain there until his family run out of sausages.

  2. Oh, the horror! They ran out of sausages in August!!!

  3. In August? So that tasty sausageroll served up at Ivan and Svetlana’s September Dinner Party was in fact….

  4. Yes, it was Zombiephile penis, highly prized by Malawian poachers for its curative properties and unusual girth.

Zombies moan. Zombiephiles moan back.

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