It seems that somebody at the CDC has been reading everyone’s favorite zombie blog.
At least, that’s the only conclusion we Zombiephiles can come to after reading the CDC’s latest blog post – entitled Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse. Yup, you read that right – the CDC has posted a blog article that bears some very striking similarities to our own zombie preparation article, Why Zombie Outbreak Preparation Isn’t So Crazy After All.
Now, longtime readers of the Zombiephiles will remember that despite our tongue-in-cheek attitude toward the topic of zombie outbreak preparation, there is one prevailing theme that we keep hamming into your heads over and over again: if you’re adequately prepared for a zombie outbreak, you’re also prepared for nearly every other realistic disaster currently threatening humanity.
Think about it – zombies are the lowest common denominator when it comes to cataclysm. Global famine? Check. Collapse of government? Sure. Interruption of public services like water and electricity? Likely. Nuclear apocalypse? Yeah, that would probably happen when the zombies show up.
And finally, someone in a position of authority has finally recognized this fact and has taken the bold move of sticking their necks out and saying so – and on the blog of the world’s foremost disease control and prevention authority, to boot. Brilliant.
The CDC’s zombie blog post begins with a “brief history of zombies,” in which they discuss the rise of the zombie genre as the predominant horror movie genre, citing sources such as the genre-defining Night of the Living Dead and Max Brooks’ definitive Zombie Survival Guide.
The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”
The next section, “Better Safe Than Sorry,” discusses the need to have an emergency preparedness kit ready before the zombies arrive – something we here at the zombiephiles have been trying to hammer into readers’ heads for years. Their recommended kit includes the basic survival items that you would need in any kind of disaster, including:
- Tools and Supplies
- Sanitation and Hygiene
- Clothing and Bedding
- Important Documents
- First Aid Supplies
Why the glaring omission, you might ask? It’s simple – the CDC will never advocate responding to a global catastrophe with violence. This shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise – after all, the whole purpose of the CDC is to control diseases, and in order to do that, they have to control the people – not educate the populace on how to form militias
The CDC goes on to explain the basic concepts of a zombie emergency plan, which is actually quite unspecific – it could easily be applied to a blog post about preparing for all sorts of other natural disasters. But most interesting of all is the final section (“Never Fear – CDC is Ready”), in which the CDC describes how they would respond to a zombie outbreak:
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated…
Interesting, indeed. Given the way we’ve seen global authorities respond to recent disasters, even and especially within the United States borders, we Zombiephiles don’t consider it especially realistic that the CDC, using the methods described, would be capable of containing even a mild zombie outbreak. Indeed, according to the best available research on the subject of a zombie outbreak, conducted by the University of Ottowa, unless humanity struck back quickly and with great force, the mathematics show that a full-blown apocalypse is almost certain.
Most interesting to readers of the zombiephiles are the “badges” that the CDC has created for users to share on their sites. One such badge reads “If you’re ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you’re ready for any emergency.” That’s an interesting motto – it reminds me (strongly) of something I myself wrote nearly over two years ago: “If you’re prepared for Zombies, if you’re prepared for a global outbreak of epic proportions, then you’re ready for most of what nature can throw at you.” Apparently the CDC isn’t so into citing their sources, but then again, this isn’t the first time we’ve been ripped off.
What do you think, zombiephiles? Is the CDC just jumping on the zombie bandwagon to try and “trick” people into preparing for realistic situations, or is this a genuine attempt to prepare the world’s population for the inevitable zombie outbreak? And does their zombie blog post bear any suspicious resemblances to any aforementioned zombie preparation articles you might have stumbled into on this site?