2) Porn.

Whatever your flavor, make sure you make time to grab some good, old-fashioned porn before you hit those zombie-infested streets. Long-term exposure to zombies of the opposite sex has been shown to dramatically lower your standards in choosing a mate. Unless you want to end up like our Zombiephilic editor, make sure you keep a well-stocked porn collection when going mobile during a Class 4 zombie outbreak. Believe me, if you think your significant other has a long list of excuses not to have sex with you now, wait until the zombies come.

1) Walkman w/ Zombie Killing Mix Tape & Extra Batteries

There’s nothing more monotonous than killing thousands of zombies without anything to listen to besides moaning and thwacking noises. Plan ahead by making a good, solid mix tape of your favorite zombie killing music and invest in some noise-dampening headphones. That way, when you’re laying about a crowd of zombies with your cricket bat, you can really “get in the zone.” Studies have shown that people fighting zombies reach their target heart rate 28% faster when listening to zombie-killing music.

The choice of music for killing zombies should be left up to the individual; although many tend toward heavy metal, favoring classics like Black Sabbath’s Iron Man or Rammstein’s Du Hast, this reviewer personally leans toward Bach’s Air on a G String or Beethoven’s 9th for full-time zombie defense.

WARNING: Under no circumstances should you put Enya on your Zombie-Killing Mix Tape. This zombiephile will not be held responsible or liable for zombie-related injuries stemming from Enya-enduced narcolepsy.