Now, I know lots of you read last week’s Zombie Weapon Guide – Ten Zombie Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own – I hope you’ve got your zombie weapons already selected, because the zombie outbreak is right around the corner.
This week we’re coming back to zombie defense and zombie weapons, but from a different angle – Armor against zombies. You didn’t think yer buddy Chester was gonna send you out there buck naked, didja? I scoured Grandma and Uncle Ned’s place this week and I’ve come up with a pretty good list of zombie armor for the zombie weapon guide.
Found in the homes of athletes everywhere. Ace bandages make better defense against zombies than you’d think – they can fill in the in-between spaces in your zombie armor and affords moderate protection from the bites of zombies without cramping your mobility.
Relive your glory days. For zombie defense, athletic pads like football, rugby, or hockey can be useful, protecting against zombie bites and allowing you to get up close and personal with the zombies. For best results, avoid Goalie equipment – it’s bulky and makes it hard to run from zombies.
They may not look like much, but knee-length Gaiters, essentially sleeves for your legs, can protect you against not only the constant Zombie threat (high quality gaiters are cut resistant and may stop bites from zombies) but they keep your feet nice and dry – believe me, the only thing worse than zombies is zombies when you have trench foot.
You’ve seen zombie movies – you know where zombies always bite you. In the neck. Don’t be zombie food, man – wear some neck protection, like a paintball neck guard. Alternately, motorcycle helmets with neck protection may also work, but may restrict mobility.
Look, it’s a zombie apocalypse, not a fashion show. This motorcycle body armor affords excellent mobility and heavy padding to get you back on the bike and away from those zombies.
The last entry, tactical body armor, seems like the worst in this otherwise excellent article. The armor protects, with almost supernatural accuracy, precisely the parts of the body you wouldn’t expect a ghoul to have access to. Better to go with a mesh shark suit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shark_suit). Without the neoprene underneath (which would only be an added layer for long teeth, which zombies don’t have), this is a light, breathable suit that provides great protection to the entire body. It’s like the kitchen glove that you already mention, but for the entire body. Combine that with a good pair of high leather boots and the aforementioned kitchen gloves, and you’re fairly zombie-resistant. I’d say you were zombie-proof, but we should all know there is no such thing…
Wow…a true Zombiephile. We must admit to having never even considered shark mesh. It’s like a kitchen glove for your body. Nice call.
Is it as light out of the water as it is in the water? If so, I’d vote for replacing #1 with the sharksuit.
And now that I think about it, aquatic zombie combat is another realm altogether deserving of consideration – traditional tactics and equipment go right out the window and the shark suit might well prove invaluable.
Nice call Steve!
I just wanted to say what an awesome article (and web site) this is! Keep up the good work, there aren’t enough zombie web sites out there.
Also, I’ve written a couple zombie articles myself:
6 Steps To Preparing For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse
http://www.zerogspacecow.com/articles/zombie.html
The Advantages Of A Zombie Armageddon
http://www.zerogspacecow.com/articles/zombiepros.html
I’m also going to link to your web site. Oh, and I clicked on all your ads, hopefully you’ll get a little bit of money from it! :)
would not a simple pair of thick leather work gloves be more than adequat than a pair of kitchen mitts?
I see a part of the body everyone has neglected… the face, you could have as much armor as you want, but what happens when you get zombie blood in your eyes or mouth, you get infected and you then turn into a zombie in armor, so to combat this you need some sort of goggles and one of those mouth cover things they have in a hospital or building site.
Well in my opinion for the whole face thing, a paintball mask would work adequately, as long as you had a helmet over it (kind of like a darth vader thing).
I think a paintball mask with a helmet also would cover the whole face/head issue. You know like a Darth Vader esque thing)
Didn’t really read any of the posts, but for a zombie attack my plan of action would be to wear a wet suit and a helmet. And give me a weapon that would just cave in their heads. You can’t beat that combo. Wetsuit and helmet
As someone who uses the tactical body armor on a regular basis. I will have to agree with it being number one. One thing you should mention is that there are “sleeves” you can buy that slide over your arms and legs that are made from cut/stab or in this case bite resistant Kevlar. You could even use this to replace the ace bandage. Check it out here http://www.galls.com/style.html?assort=general_catalog&style=TE139
And here is a link for a Kevlar neck protector http://www.galls.com/style.html?assort=general_catalog&style=BP219
Tactical Body armor is great for stopping bullets. However it’s hot, limits your flexibility, is heavy and hastens fatigue. There are better things to stop biting gnashing teeth. I recommend good quality athletic equipment.
glc said he’d use a wetsuit.
Have you ever worn a full wetsuit? Out of water, those those things heat up FAST. You may be safe from bites, but only until you pass out from dehydration.
not really a major issue, but in #9 rugby pads are mentioned… in rugby the only padding really allowed is a scrum cap which is basically 1/4″ of foam. probably not all that useful for anything other than avoiding mild concussion. wouldn’t be worth the time finding one as at least in the states they arent incredibly common in sporting goods stores.
Just head down to the museum and grab yourself a suit of armor totally zombie resistant but your screwed if you get pushed over.
Depressing thought of the day: once I’m all suited up in all this gear, particularly the tactical body armor, I’m sure that I’ll prob do something stupid to screw up. Then after I’ve gotten myself zombified. Well, sorry bro, but I’ll be that much more of a pain in your as, cuz now you got a fully-armored zombie problem. Imagine a whole roit squad of zombies, that you can’t shoot.
Guess the only solution is gotta eat a grenade as you go down. Yup, pretty much a downer.
Stu
Don’t worry too much, Kevlar helmets won’t stop a direct hit by a round, not to mention the throat is still vulnerable and that will take out the spine too.
I have started to collect machetes for the zombie threat happens and also joined a shooting club to get better at shooting which I am already good at I learnt that machetes where the best for zombies beside samurai swords but where would you get a real one any how because most are copies and made with crappy metal.
also weapon collecting aint easy in australia
Really? They always make it seem easy in movies like Undead…
you know the best weapon against zombies is nothing. simply tight clothes and shortly cropped hair (1 in. or less) is all you need. zombies have a huge lack of dexterity and speed so you don’t need to worry about them catching you. the only practical use for armor would be in battle. and what happens if it is a prolonged battle? why risk exhaustion and dehydration. the only thing I like in this article was the Gaitors. those will provid defenc where it is important. on a limb. a zombie isn’t going to bite into your torso or chest cavity. so the football pads uptop arent worth anything. if you MUST have armor I recomend chainmail. a very breathable suit. or alternatively (I think someone mentioned it above) a shark suit. a REAL chainmail suit would be hard to find, as they are usually made with lower quality metals because they are generally used for theatrical purposes. the shark suits are made of wrought Iron or Titanium and are fairly light. and easy to get around in. some other person decided to mention a face covering. there was a reason that was left out. it’s a bad idea. the chances of zombie blood landing on your head, let aloe mouth or eyes, are slim. why impede your vision over something like that? and even if you do magically get it in your mouth or eyes. (unless you have any open mouth sores) you can easily spit it out (mouth only ;D) if you accidentaly swallow it, don’t worry about being a zombie who just happens to have chainmail, it’s toxic and you will simply DIE. aside from that, when the Solanum infects the brain ALL bodily functions shut down. the brain becomes an independant organ. which is why destroying that is the only way to kill one. the lungs do however keep pumping air in and out of the lungs giving the distinctive moan. getting back to the point. since the heart would be shut down, the blood viens would be full of blood that isn’t moving. it would congeile and be unlikely (unless explosives are used) that ANY blood would get on you. I don’t know what else is being missed here because I already saw this ONE article, but most of it seemed pretty useless. the paintball neck guard might help, but a zombie is ever-determined and won’t quit. it can tear through most things because of this. (eventually of course) somebody said “gimme something to cave in their head”. I wonder what he had in mind because the human head is one of the stronest surfaces in nature. I recomend a crow bar. it isn’t heavy, has the power to crush said skull, won’t get in the way, has enough range to ensure some saftey (close quarters is never prefered) and has other uses (prying open doors or crate that may have supplies) if anybody has some questions you can reach me at tyleore@gmail.com if you have any more ZOMBIE based questions. it may take a while because I don’t often check my E-mail. :P
Vectran is a wonderful high-tech fabric that is absolutely ideal against bite and slash attacks. No need for chainmail – go for a vectran jumpsuit – I believe some sharkshuits are now made from vectran.
For head protection an ice-hocket helmet with faceshield would be excelent – good visibility, good ventilation, and tons of protection against zombie attacks. Some of them come with neck and throat protection for goalies, and youd need to improvides something to protect the back of the neck.
dont forget that you have to be able to see in the dark that why i brought a good night vision device at a good price its called a night cougar. the night cougar is a twin goggled device that fits on your head hands free so if running or fighting at night its perfect. a even better one to get if you can is thermal goggles and also dont forget to get a night scope for your firearm.(silencers are good as well).I cant get thermal vision in my country. Which i dont know why.
the best zombie defence is a book done by max brooks it tells you what to do how to prepare what you would need what weapons are best and what building are best that would withstand zombies attack. Also it tells what enviroment that would be good for surviving a zombie attack. Also what classes there there are. There are four classes. Four is the worst that could happen. That is a global infestation of zombies.
did no one listen? Vectran isn’t a bad sounding Idea. but a jumpsuit is cumbersome no matter what. if you could get some comfortable, tight fitting clothes made of the stuff then you would be good. especially gloves that cover the fore-arms.everything else is a bad idea. thermal? you must be joking. they have no body heat. there bodily functions sease. wearing the thermal would only mask their presence. again, head and face protection is not necessary. if anything did get on your face, it would just kill you, not turn you into a zombie. but since the blood is congealed and won’t splatter everywhere (or any where for that matter, you have the same chance making a zombie bleed as you would have making a tree bleed) so there is little danger anyway. using explosives might make a mess, but who would be stupid enough to not cover their face and everything anyways? who will face an explosion with their eys and mouth open (this is granted they are close enough for that to matter, if they are at a safe distance in the first place, it’s irrelevant) I really think everyone should at least READ the max brooks zombie survival guide. it is so well thought out in explaining everything. and what it doesn’t explain, it leaves you with enough information to figure out on your own. night vision is iffy. it might help, sure. but there isn’t much point in travelling at night, since they are naturally better night fighters than us. they rely on all their sense EQUALLY so they will still hear you, smell you and possibly still see you, before you see them, with or without night vision goggles. just set up a camp (no fire dumby!) and have a person keep watch. if your travelling by yourself your a moron in the first place, and it’s your own fault. if anyone suggests going on their own “hand them a gun with one bullet in it, and say it’s an easier way of commiting suicide” (From zombie survival guide) http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=1400049628 buy the book their if you can’t find it in a library or something. sorry that my posts are so long, but I don’t like to come back and correct myself later. I just do everything at once.
Im only saying the thermal vision is for other humans that come to your compound because not all humans will be friendly. There will be pirates bandits. And you will need to see them in the dark because they will try and take what you have because night time is the perfect attack time.
And night vision goggles are good to use instead of torches because anyone and anything can see a torch human and zombie. Radios are also good so walkie talkies would help you keep in contact with your group at the base and on zombie killing and supply hunting missions. Because you will want to keep in contact incase you need backup.
Sure, nobody wants to get bitten or clawed. But zombies are going to use blunt force trauma as well. You need some padding to absorb that. A zombie will strike without any sense of pain or worry about breaking its own hands or arms and it’ll be swinging with a force not typical of a human combatant. We all appreciate you taking steps against bites so you won’t turn into one of them, but if you’re one of the good guys, we don’t want you dying of a bruised heart, punctured lung or cracked skull.
the thing is that any blunt force caused by said zombie will not be placed in any effective manner. of course, you probably deserve to die if you were stupid enough to get yourself surrounded in the first place. realistically, you really only need to keep away, no armor that will hinder you.
Heh heh – awesome post! Dunno about the motorcycle armor, but funny!
For face protection use motorcycle helmet, cut holes in visor and duct tape to fit a gasmask for protection against an airborne zombie virus.
Okay, we all the best armor for a zombie invasion is simple. A tight compact ninja suit… with a gas mask and ninja mask… What weapon you say? a simple Spas- 12 Shot gun If you dont have one… You need one!
the gun I suggest you use is the heckler and koch g 11 but they would be extremly hard to get because its a military gun and I dont think even any american gun nut can get one sorry about saying that its just that they be on the restricted list
haha jonno and steve made some good points :D
listen, it might be tomorrow it might be in the next year, so for now, get some of this that will protect you. I think that it will happen in this year or the next, I’m not very sure so for now I’ve been developing armour made of chain mail and steel. my best bet is this because that shark armour stuff, like on that shark attack episode of fantasy factory, is chain mail and steel is already bullet proof for some cases and obviously bite proof. my design is sort of like a HEV suit version-ish type of armour. E-mail me if you want.
TRUE, the stupid robbers, looters and some anoyying people are as dangerous as the zombies :/
me and my team (8 of my best friend and family) would have some modified Damascus Gear FlexForce riot gear on hand, they are made to stop blunt force and stabs. any one in good physical shape can run a ways out of trouble with them. and yukikaze and Grimmm both the g11 and Spas- 12 are illegal to own now in the us, and they are both out of production so it would be hard to smuggle it in. i would go a Beretta 92FS pistol, a Beretta Cx4 Storm carbine, and a ruger 556 assault rifle with red dot sight. but thats just me…
My helmet offers up to level IIIA protection. It stops rounds. I also have a ballistic face mask. Together they cover the head and face entirely. Ballistic neck guards are also available. The stab/slash proof protectors are even cheaper. As for arm and chest armor I have a vanson kevlar mesh riding jacket with hard armor. ZOMBIES were once human remember? And rapidly decaying to boot. So anything you’d want to field against human attackers (especially multiple attackers i.e.riot suit) would be a good choice. Complete that with tall boots and kevlar riding pants and youre ready to go. These garments are light, breathable, and flexible. Ive lived in these things for days at a time at bike shows in high summer. For weapons I already own the Kriss cbr/so with 16″ barrel, collapsible stock, surefire E1b with momentary switch, laser sight, and 30 rd mags. Glock 21 for a side arm. The Kriss uses Glock 21 mags and both are chambered in .45. Bring it! My B.O.B. is ready to go. lol
Uh bullcrap slim chance of getting zombie blood in ur mouth. When i was 14 me and my brother were home alone and the dogs were barking like crazy. So we went out to see what it was all the guns were locked up in my parents room so i grabbed a baseball bat it was a rabid coon i blasted it in the head 4 times before it died when i got inside i looked in the mirror and i had blood splatter all over my face and tasted some in my mouth i had to get shots and tested for rabes not fun at all my guess for a good zombie weapon would be a simple shotgun with large rounds if need be and u have to hit them up close for the love of god turn ur head right before you connect to keep from getting most of the blood spray away from ur mouth and face also it makes me crazy when i hear people talking about grenade launchers and machine guns unless ur a special collector ur not gonna have one so keep it simple with a shotgun as many rounds u can carry on a amo belt and some kind of blunt object or blade a machette would work perfect for a clean cut forget the body armor to much work and to much money u need to kill the bastards not impress them with ur fashion about the only thing i would recomend is something to protect yours eyes and face period.
@ Chester: Good ideas, more or less!
@ Tyler Moore: While I agree with just about ever thing you say, we also need to keep in mind that Max Brook’s zombies may not be the one we’re facing, what with the government labs developing biological weapons. They could modify mad cow, for example, and blood would still flow freely through the zombies’ veins. Also, when doing battle, being surrounded is never good, but if you’re in a truck being chased, melee weapons (like crow bars, pick axes, and hedge clippers can be effective if you have taken the time beforehand to practice with them :) Otherwise, I’m taking a lot of your advice into account
@yukaze: clear out an underground and destroy the entrances (a good place is a univeristy: play loud music from speakers in a truck to clear most of them (let them chase the vehicle to somewhere else) then clear the rest out manually and then seal up most of the entrances. Then, spread looter trash just everywhere, maybe throw a few broken guns in the yard. Make it look abandoned.
@Victor Konker: astute point, thank you.