Zombie Defense - Ten Zombie-Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own!
Zombie Defense - 10 Zombie Weapons You Already Own
Sure, killin’ zombies with a shotgun just seems natural. I mean, we’ve all seen zombie movies like Dawn of the Dead, read zombie comics or zombie books like The Zombie Survival Guide. We know how to kill zombies with tough-guy weapons. You’ve got to separate the head from the body of the zombie, or destroy the zombie brain.
But in a true zombie outbreak, a widespread pandemic of flesh-eating zombies, that inevitable zombie plague, chances are that you won’t be ready. When zombies arrive, you’ll probably be sitting around at home, doing whatever it is you usually do when you’re sitting around at home. Not thinking about zombies, that’s for sure. To that end I’ve done the legwork. Consult the list, grab a weapon and start killing zombies!
Zombie Weapon #10:
The Towel/Curtain Rod
Almost every home has one. Grab it, tear it off the wall and start slapping zombies.
Zombie Weapon #9:
The Spatula.
Don’t underestimate this diminutive weapon - a hard chop against a zombie neck and you’ve got a dead zombie. Make sure you’re using a metal spatula, as zombie killing results with a plastic spatula may vary.
Zombie Weapon #8:
The Candlestick.
Whack zombies about the head with a heavy candlestick like you’re Colonel Mustard in the Dining Room. Tell them the zombie did it.
Zombie Weapon #7:
The Butcher Knife.
For your garden variety zombie, knives aren’t the best, but they work. Remember to go for the head - orifices are soft spots.
Zombie Weapon #6:
The Rolling Pin.
The only problem about killing a zombie with a rolling pin is that you can’t use it for baking afterward. Effective against multiple zombies.
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Posted
by Chester MacArthur
on Thursday, June 14th, 2007 at 9:52 pm. Filed under The Undead Survivalist.
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June 19th, 2007 at 9:09 am
[...] Zombie Defense - Ten Zombie-Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own! [...]
June 20th, 2007 at 7:36 am
[...] Original Source » [...]
July 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I already own a 12 gauge shotgun, a .44 magnum revolver, a .22 rifle, and a .223/5.56NATO AR-15.
July 6th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
How is a shovel a good weapon? It would fall off after a few hard hits.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
If it’s even a moderately good shovel you can decapitate someone in one smooth motion especially if it’s file sharpened. Also I don’t know if you’ve ever been shovel whipped but it hurts you more than a shovel.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
I prefer aluminum baseball bats. I have a red one. It means more if you’ve read XXXHolic, but zombies rarely note such a reference.
July 8th, 2007 at 4:13 am
dude just buy a switchblade and if one of them got near,slash his head off
July 10th, 2007 at 6:42 am
Dude, Jack, that would be stupid. Switch blades aren’t very long, and letting a zombie get in that close is a horrible idea.
July 10th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
yes, a switchblade IS a bad weapon, unless you combo it (or any othe sharp weapon) with a broom handle (or the like) you can make a spear. Spears can keep zombies at bay while other reload firearms. Close combat is bad, but spears would be perfect for holding them back and buying time. If many people are using spears, they can hold off many zombies at a time.
July 10th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
If you do use a spear, be sure to attach some sort of sturdy crosspiece to keep the weapon from going right through the zombie’s rotting body. Remember, only brain damage kills a zombie, and the spear’s intended target can walk.. er.. shamble.. unhindered into biting range.
July 11th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
of course, of course,but I’m not recommending spears for KILLING a zombie, just holding them back for the gunmen to finish off. Though a spear could be useful at holding them at bay (ie multiple people pushing the zombies outward from a doorway) and a kiling blow would only work if the spear [and person] is strong enough. A strong spear can cripple zombies (eye stabs, chops to the knee etc) so a quick getaway can be made. hmmmmm… a halbred could also be fashioned with a broom+axe+blade combination, that would also be an effective stabbing and chopping weapon.
July 11th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
I have a wooden bat with large bolts screwed threw it. Great against zombies and tenderizing the stray buffalo.
July 12th, 2007 at 12:00 am
mmmmm…buffalo… that would be a excellent weapon against a single Z, but the nails could get stuck in the head of the zombie.
July 12th, 2007 at 11:34 am
I write a blog on myspace, it’s a story about post-apocalyptic world that is recovering in an army base. I do stray from some rules (animal zombies) and I also included Resident Evil-esque monsters for flavor. I wrote also a great deal of futuristic weapons and vehicles as some more spice. You guys should check it out.
July 13th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
As a former member of the Army, I could lend a few other useful household items to your lineup.
1. Pizza cutter, small, sharp, metal, good backup weapon.
2. Electric saw blades, Frisbees of death.
3. The odd bits of pipe that lay around most basements and garages make a good staff, ram it through a neck, or crack a skull, just do not plan on using for future plumbing jobs.
4. Broken Broom Handles, splintered spears, keep your distance.
5. This one is for all the rednecks out there, the good old board with a nail in it. Try wrapping an end with barbed wire.
6. Hand held manual cross cut saw, you know wooden handle, long metal blade, for cutting wood the old fashioned way. Good hacking/slashing weapon, no pun intended.
7. Cast Iron Skillet, works as a bashing item for those squishie craniums. Works against those blokes that won’t take no as an answer too.
8. Firearms, I know some of you own them, legal or not, a good headshot is all it takes, and the cops won’t care too much, you are helping them, just ditch the gun after the outbreak so you don’t get busted.
9. The front bumper of your car. Oh darn, I didn’t see that crosswalk. Hint hint…
10. Broken Glass, hey, if you were stupid enough not to board up your windows, and they made entry, and you have no other way to defend yourself, send them to the afterlife with a quick slash to the neck from the window they just broke.
10.5 Country music. We have determined that zombies can hear, so, if that music depresses most living, why not try it on the re-animated, they may want to off themselves. Better not try this, you may want to join them.
July 13th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
if you have other ideas, hit me up on myspace, I am Scorp, look for the monkey at the keyboard picture.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
I’ve got some of my own.
10. A big branch. They’re all over the place. If you’ve made the dumbass move of going into a forest during a Zombie Apocalypse, then you’ve got no other choice. Make sure you pick up a sturdy one that won’t break. Hold the thick end of the branch outward so you can hit the zombie in the brain with it.
9. Rocks. Big ones. Now if you’re outside and there’s no good sticks, there’s always rocks. If it’s really, really big, then you should hold it over your head and when the zombie comes close, bash it over the head. This will only work if there’s one or two zombies, but in a full crowd, you should probably pray. If the rock is smallish, pick up some more and start throwing. Remember, accuracy is life.
8. Book Cases. Sticks and stones may crush a zombie’s brain, but a lot of books will crush maybe 12 zombies at once. If you’re ever in a library, line the zombies up with the long side of a book case, run to the other side and push it over! I’ve always wanted to do it, now you can too!
7. A tool box. Same with the big rock, bash ‘em in the head.
6. Bowling ball. Awesome.
5. Fireworks. Throw something like an artillery shell in the middle of a zombie horde and watch the zombies fly. You’d better be on the roof or something though because it might send zombies your way.
6. Bass Guitars. They’re big enough to be use just like axes! Seriously! And if that don’t work, kill ‘em with your rock!
5. Piano Wire. Act like an assassin, sneak up behind a lone zombie, and cut his head off.
4. Cricket Bat.
3. Live bears. Or elephants. I have no idea where you would get one, but if you were near a circus, and you had a trained bear or an elephant, it would prove very usefull. Or it might kill you.
2. Gravity. If you’re on a roof, just push the zombie of the edge, assuming you’re wearing armour.
1. That sword on the mantel. Don’t just leave it there idiot, it’s a friggen’ weapon! Sure for some reason there’s handgun ammo everywhere you go, but a sword is a ************* sword!
July 15th, 2007 at 9:42 am
I must agree about the piano wire, however, I would only use that as a last ditch effort, you still have to get a lil too close for my comfort, especially if you have to pass the hungry mouth to get to the neck.
I would almost assume that stealing manhole covers would be a descent idea as well, after all, zombies do not climb, let the buggers fall down somewhere that no living person would be stupid enough to go to, or at least one with any common sense. This may not capture all of them, but since they do not look down they will eventually fall in, only to be ground up at the treatment plant at the end of the line.
July 15th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
excellent idea! manole covers could be utalized as a trap, if debris was placed to the sides of the manhole cover, it could funnel zombies into the sewers!
July 15th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
a skillsaw. pick it up a battery powered version. it may be heavy but it’ll kill a few. not to mention slice off a few arms
July 16th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
once the batteries run dead, you have the frisbee of death on your hands. I have tested this at work today, if thrown hard enough, it will penetrate a 2X4.
Granted I got in a lil trouble for it, but, to test a therory, it was worth it.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:23 am
Accuracy would be a big problem. And a shovel couldnt be much of a real weapon, I’ve tried it, its better then a 2 by 4, but barely. Sharpened isnt much of an improvement either, against singles is the only way you’d use it.
A base-ball bat would take about 10+ hits to shatter the skull and damage the brain. A sword would get buried in the skull without piercing to the brain. Fire-works would alert everything that can see of your location. Glass splinters upon impact, slashing you and them, infecting you. Throwing it would weaken them, but not enough to bother pausing to pick it up.
July 30th, 2007 at 1:05 am
i truly, truly disagree with you on all but the glass and fireworks (partially).
August 15th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
What about the machete? I have seen knives and swords featured, but not the humble machete? A good heavy one will cleave any part of the zombie you aim at!
August 25th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Machete is one of the best i think, also the shovel is extremely bad for close rang combat (in a room, hallway ect.) i think they left out the best, the crowbar (smaller is probly better for close range) either work.
November 14th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
best weapons.. Machete, sniper, 357 hand gun, throwing knives (if you got the skill), carbine (the range is good short and little distant), fuck.. havent yall read any Max Brooks books>?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
“I already own a 12 gauge shotgun, a .44 magnum revolver, a .22 rifle, and a .223/5.56NATO AR-15.”
So you are going to hang around the zombies shooting at them until you run out of ammunition and get bitten in the neck? Or maybe you are going to whale at them with the shotgun until you get zombie in your eyes and go all frothy.
Don’t you people realise that guns are only good against real people in real life? In a zombie apocalypes, the gun nut always runs out of ammunition because the pinko commie film maker wants to show the futility of worshipping guns. Except if you are a hot chick with a shotgun. I am going to guess that you aren’t. My recommendation is a sword, or a baseball bat with big nails in it. But the best weapon of all, running like fuck and hiding very quietly.
November 27th, 2007 at 10:27 am
10+ hits with a baseball bat jesus man are you like 95 lbs it would only take one if you knew how to swing it myself i would have a crow bar, a katana, a BFH (big f****** hammer) and a boot knife on me at all times and as far as fighting I’ll let you all go first and I will see wich wepons hold up and use those accordingly
but you know I think the best wepon during a zombie apocolips would be a zombie. not to fight off other zombies butto kill all of you that I can’t stand and get away with it ” no officer he said he wasn’t gonna sit by and do nothing and the ‘turned’ him so I had to kill him”
yeah I know it wont be easy to keep controle of one but if they could do it in 28 days then I’m sure I could use like one of those dog catcher rope pole things
but if not you had better watch out cause zombies wont be your only cuase for concern
December 20th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
yeah, i read the max brooks boor the zombie survival guide. i cannot say that i am really impressed though. especially in the weapons department. the M-16/AR-15 series is so much better than the AK rifles. I have used both in combat situations. The only thing the AK has going for it is it’s indestructableness (if thats a word) they really take a beating. However, they are not as accurate. I also dont like the location of the safety, but that is just personal preference. Additionally, max is way off on the “carbine” section. the M-1 carbine is a neat little weapon, but again suffers in accuracy. here in minnesota, they wont even let you deer hunt with them because the round is too weak. according to max, “the power and accuracy of a modern crossbow can send a “bolt” clean through a zombies skull at over a quarter mile. i would love to see that shot. a heavy, subsonic round travelling 400 meters through a zombies skull. That would be a once in a millenium shot if you ask me. just to heap it on:
1)lever actions are the most inaccurate action
2)M-16/AR-15 wpns butstocks dont break easily
3)Mauser ammo isn’t as common as .308 win.
4).303 british is even less common
5)If you are hunting birds use birdshot in a shotgun, not for use with zombies
6)unless a temple shot, .22 rimfire doesnt typically penetrate the human skull (needs a near perpendicular angle) at medium and longer ranges
7)Suppressors (silencers to max) need subsonic ammo to work properly. otherwise you will still hear the “crack” of the bullet breaking the sound barrier
8)Where the hell is joe citizen going to get a heavy machine gun (a M-249 is a light one by the way max) or even a flame thrower (which is still in use with the national guard max)
and the list goes on….
March 13th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
You guys are dumb. i have thought long and hard of what the best zombie weapon would be…its a no brainer! Chuck Norris would kick the shit out of anyone or anything that even came close to him.
March 15th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
What a bunch of noobs. Have you guys ever heard of robots? I would engineer a killer Roomba and have it destroy all zombies. Also maybe an R2D2-like model with swinging chains with heavy steel balls attached to really thin a crowd of wobbling dead fellas.
April 9th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Hah, I own 2 military issue machetes, a ruger mini-14, a 350. Krag autoload, and a double-edged claymore! What more do I need?!?
April 12th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Most of you are insane ! The best weapons you have are : (1) Your bodies, you need to train by lifting weights and running on a regular basis. (2) Your minds, you should use recourses available to you now. Survival training, shooting training, first aid, driving, and other worthwhile training. You also need to read a large assortment of manuals on the equipment you have or may get and items you may find gathering supplies. I have 6years in the Marines and know what combat is after 5 years in Iraq. Be prepared and be ready to defend yourself.
April 30th, 2008 at 9:54 am
ha ha i have you all beat,i have a sks,4 remington 870’s in 12, 3 stagecoches in 20, about 34 or 35 22′, 5 .50 cal muzzle loaders, a ak, ar-15 in 30 cal, and my most powerful handgun my 44 rem magnum smith and wessan redhawk
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:33 am
kydrow your a poser! When it happens people like you are going to be targets for those of us that are ready for the outbreak. I own: 2 AR-15’s, 40 - 30 round mags., 5000 rounds .223, 2 12gauge pumps, M1 grand, 100 - 8 round mags., 1000rounds 30-06, 1300 rounds 12 gauge shells, Weatherby 28 in 30-06, 2 - .22rifles ( ruger 10-22, and trail master .22 ), 1100rounds of .22lr., Beretta 92, 12 - 16 round mags., Ivers 9, 14 - 13 round mags, 800rounds 9mm., Glock 21, 15 - 12 round mags., Ruger Red Hawk .45acp. revolver, 1200 rounds .45, and my other weapons: Full tang (hand forged) short sword, Compound bow and 30 arrows (which I hunt with an a regular bases.), and assorted axes,and other tools.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Dammit Americans and your guns, we aren’t allowed them over here in the UK so we’d either have to steal one off an armed policeman or go without. When it comes to zombie apocolypse we ONLY think about melee. So we don’t rely on ammo, and are more resourceful, (knuckle dusters, weed wackers, with knives attached, chain saws :D ) guns would just be a massive bonus. If it ever happens make sure we keep in touch to find out whos doing the best :)
May 29th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Ok even if ammo is a problem a Claw hammer and a Air driven Nail/Staple gun will keep zombies off your lawn for a long time. Please try not to forget about Propane tanks w/flares and a single well placed bullet. Back up weapons include take that shovel you all are whining about and duck-tape/epoxy a iron or two to the inside. Lets improve the force at which you hit them. Gun’s i’m not even getting into, to many friends that are ex-seals…thats covered. Please everyone dont forget about explosives, there are so many that have that kick without being flamable.
July 4th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
are you guys kidding me? the chick from resident evil would be the best weapon and in the last movie she’s got like 10,000 clones, hell we could all have one.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:21 am
In my opinion, the most effective weapon combo would be:
1: High-powered rifle, for long ranges.
2: good pistol or sawed-off shotgun for close ranges.
3: sword or machete for when you run out of ammo. (use them to cut off limbs and heads, don’t try to stab.)
4: hammers, crowbars, or baseball bats for when your sword goes flying and lands 20 feet away. (happens in every movie, so watch out.)
5: explosives, ideally fragmenting, if you need to clear a room or whatever.
December 1st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I would grab my .22 and 12 gauge along with a baseball bat and a hammer. But what about vehicles? I personally would take my truck stock it with supplies and friends/family with weapons and search my town for an armored car, preferably a swat van. A military helicopter would be nice too.
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
I believe that the Zombiephile forgot one crucial weapon. The all powerful and handy-dandy crowbar! not only can it puncture a zombies head but can be used to open sealed things. hammer nails into boards to fortify defenses. and when in doubt can be throw at a zombie for a clean head removal
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
As this Zombiephile has pointed out time and time again, one thing you want to avoid are weapons that cause a large amount of blood spatter - so shotguns, explosives, chainsaws, and so on are RIGHT OUT!
This is the thinking - there’s no idea how zombieness is spread, and if you subscribe to the 28-Days Later mentality, one drop of zombie blood in your system is enough to turn you. What about inhaling a fine mist of aerosol zombie blood? I’m not taking any chances, personally.
Gotta go with Kaigon (as usual) on this one - crowbar should definitely have made this list.
JJ’s got a point - us Americans may be a little light on the melee combat. I think we could all consult Shaun of the Dead for a good luck at the importance of a good old cricket bat.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 am
Chainsaws are the worst Idea out, think about it, the zombie infection is spread through bodily fluids,so you will get bleed on if your using a chainsaw, and the blood will go into your screaming, chainsaw happy mouth, then you will die.
I’m from Australia so we don’t have all that many guns, but we do however play cricket, and a cricket bat is very handy, you can crush a decomposing skull with it, and thiers little to no blood.
Plus guns can be unrealyable, they can jam (if not taken care of), you mostly need experience with guns to get headshots, guns run out off ammo,in a zombie outbreak everyone is going to go for guns, which means less for the average person,think about it, you go searching for a gun and it’s not their what do you do now? you were reliying on finding a gun, so you’ll be screwed.
A crowbar is a good choice also as, most people have one, and it doubles as a prying device.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am
Right on, Jonno! A fellow chainsaw-hater! Cricket bats forever! And don’t forget that guns are noisy!
December 4th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Yes!, its nice to see another Aussie here. I too am from the land down under.
anyway, im partial to all forms of one on one combat, personally i would go for an aluminum base ball bat, you know easy to swing and does a LOT of damage to a zombies head.
also i don’t think anyone has touched on protection from being infected them self’s, via blood or bite, i’m thinking some form of scavenged armor, if your on the run and can only use what you can find…what do the rest of you guys think?