Thanks to the Internet, Zombie Survival is no longer a fringe; mainstream Zombie Survival guides and equipment are hitting the market even as we speak.

But are you sure you’re really prepared for Zombies? Our Zombiephile has analyzed survivor accounts, zombie literature and film and endless reruns of Man Vs. Wild to determine the answer, and what he’s found might surprise you. Remember, Zombiephiles, plan now so the zombies don’t get you later.

The Five MUST-HAVE Zombie Survival Items You’ll Probably Never Think Of:

5) Cigarettes.

As we saw in Kevin Costner’s global warming documentary Water World, cigarettes will be used as currency in a post-apocalyptic economic situation. Make sure you’re in a competitive position by purchasing, crating up and burying several tons of cigarettes ahead of the zombie outbreak. That way when Dennis Hopper establishes a post-zombie world order, you’ll be able to buy your way in without sleeping with him, which I’m assuming from photographs is an absolutely terrible experience.

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