If you’re like Chester Macarthur, the Undead Survivalist, you probably spend your early mornings smoking cigarettes, scouring the newspaper for Zombie news, zombie outbreaks or general media outbreaks that may be attributable to Zombies, and polishing your machete. But take heart, Zombiephiles - there’s a website out there that brings the Zombie apocalypse right to your fingertips.

ZWN become the digital flags around which the zombie survivalists rally? When the time comes, will the world take the threat of zombies seriously? Only time will tell, but in the meantime, gorge yourself on the Zombie World News and keep sharpening that shovel.

Zombiephiles, rejoice! After a notable absence, our Zombie Forums are back from the dead, and they’re badder than ever. Now running on a backbone of PhpBB3, they’re sleeker, faster and sexier than ever before - and they’re just waiting for you to post. So join up, Zombiephiles, and tell us what you think about all things Zombie!

The Zombiephiles’ Zombie Forums

“Extinction” is a good subtitle to give to the final entry of this terribly shabby “Zombie” trilogy - and thank goodness the Resident Evil movie franchise is finally dead. Or is it?!! I don’t know ’cause I fell asleep before the end.

Making absolutely no attempt to pick up where Resident Evil 2 left off, Resident Evil: Extinction instead drops our favorite zombie-slaying heroine, Alice, into the now-familiar Umbrella Corporation laboratory, but fails to give her any clothing (this Zombiephile always approves of Milla Jovovich not having any clothing). Unfortunately, Resident Evil 3 - Extinction basically falls off after that point, quickly descending into a parody of a good horror / apocalypse movie, and barely involving any actual zombies at all.

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Well, Zombiephiles, it’s been a good year for Zombies and zombie movies, and it looks like 2008’s just going to get better. This year saw several good zombie movies - there was Fido, and more recently, the Zombie Diaries, not to mention Resident Evil Extinction and 28 Weeks Later. But what’s on the horizon? Our zombiephile examines some of the hottest current and upcoming zombie movie titles - so you don’t have to.

Day of the Dead Remake

We posted a trailer for this one earlier this year - with a tentative release date still set for “2007,” zombie fans are starting to wonder when the new “Day of the Dead” is actually going to hit the theaters. Directed by the underwhelming Steve Miner, this is a loose remake of George Romero’s original movie of the same name. Starring Mina Suvari, Ving Rhames and Nick Cannon, Day of the Dead is looking as though it might be a sequel to the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake, which also starred Ving Rhames. Astute zombiephiles will remember that Ving Rhames’ character had a brother on a military installation…which is where Day of the Dead takes place. Maybe he just forgot to mention that he had a twin brother…

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Fellow Zombiephiles, you understand, like we do, that the Zombie as a modern cultural object is derived almost in its entirety from the Zombie Movie, that classic, George Romero-esque horror movie archetype.

You’ve seen them. Probably more of them than you would like. We’ve all seen them.

But seeing zombie movies isn’t enough. Sometimes you just have to blaze out on your own and write a zombie movie. That’s where the Zombiephiles step in. You see, we’ve isolated five easy steps you can quickly take to create your very own zombie movie.

How to Write a Zombie Movie (In Five Easy Steps):

Step 1: Think up a plot for your zombie movie.

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If you find yourself trapped in a hellish, Kafkaesque nightmare world equipped with nothing but booze, drugs and Englebert Humperdink albums, you’re still a damn sight better off than this Zombiephile was after watching Vampires Vs. Zombies.

See, Vampires Vs. Zombies is a perfect example of how a movie can exist based solely upon its name. Definitively the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life, I have to confess that I couldn’t get through more than half of it - but based on the dearth of reviews out there on this one, I have a feeling I made it a lot farther than most viewers.

Allow me to elaborate. Although the movie is called Vampires Vs. Zombies, it could probably be just as accurately named “Big Titted Chick with Too Much Makeup Vs. Some Random Dude in a Ski-Mask. That’s right. The “Zombie” is a guy in a ski mask. Well, a few guys with ski masks, as you will discover if you can survive the painful first few minutes of the film.

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If you’ve seen 2006’s “The Zombie Diaries,” you’ll be quick to note the similarities with “The Blair Witch Project,” that ultra-low budget horror flick that made so many moviegoers motion-sick back in 1999.

Here’s the thing, though - “The Zombie Diaries” almost succeeds where “The Blair Witch Project” failed because, basically, the storyline makes a lot more sense.

Told through the eyes of three different groups of survivors, “The Zombie Diaries” was billed as “The Best UK Zombie Movie of the Year” in 2006. Astute Zombiephiles will, of course, note that there really weren’t many zombie movies out of the UK in 2006, so “The Zombie Diaries” self-proclaimed superlative may be a bit overreaching.

What can be said about “The Zombie Diaries” is that it is truly one of the most spirited, earnest and actually terrifying zombie movies that this Zombiephile has ever seen - and he’s seen a lot of them.
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Many eager fans (at least, they look like fans, except for the blood, gore, and constant craving for brains) have been asking lately, “What the hell happened to the Zombiephiles?”

Well, there’s an answer for that.

You see, our Zombiephile has fled the United States, choosing to make his stand against the Zombies in Beijing, China.

The problem is, China must not like Zombies much, because the government went to all the trouble of banning the Zombiephiles, and we had to acquire a new hosting provider to get back online. Actually, we were online the whole time, we just couldn’t see the site.

Now that we’re back, it’s going to be a few days until everything’s back to normal - we lost our Gallery2 installation and we’re missing some crucial images - so bear with us. We’ll be back, lusting for brains, just as soon as we can beat off the hordes of Chinese zombies clamboring for our blood. Or maybe those are just Chinese people, it’s hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Either way, hang in there, fellow Zombiephiles, and we’ll be back next week with some new, fancy britches. Ok, that’s not true, but we will be back next week. Britches not included.

Thanks to the Internet, Zombie Survival is no longer a fringe; mainstream Zombie Survival guides and equipment are hitting the market even as we speak.

But are you sure you’re really prepared for Zombies? Our Zombiephile has analyzed survivor accounts, zombie literature and film and endless reruns of Man Vs. Wild to determine the answer, and what he’s found might surprise you. Remember, Zombiephiles, plan now so the zombies don’t get you later.

The Five MUST-HAVE Zombie Survival Items You’ll Probably Never Think Of:

5) Cigarettes.

As we saw in Kevin Costner’s global warming documentary Water World, cigarettes will be used as currency in a post-apocalyptic economic situation. Make sure you’re in a competitive position by purchasing, crating up and burying several tons of cigarettes ahead of the zombie outbreak. That way when Dennis Hopper establishes a post-zombie world order, you’ll be able to buy your way in without sleeping with him, which I’m assuming from photographs is an absolutely terrible experience.

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Another Resident Evil 5 trailer showed up at the G3 video game convention recently; just over a minute long, the trailer features oodles of next-gen zombie battles, including some truly sobering zombie hordes. For zombie fans, it’s looking like Resident Evil 5 could be the big one.

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