The Undead Survivalist - Archives
Okay, zombiephiles – Here’s my list (in no particular order) of the worst places to go when the zombies come lookin’ for an unhappy meal. Hiding in a loft/attic – there is often only one way in and out, so you are pretty much trapped. Shopping centers/malls – this was a popular attraction before the living became the undead, so […]
So what would you do if zombies attacked at your school? Imagine if it was just you left… what would you do? Run? Hide? Scream? Fight? It’s one of the last places people expect a zombie apocalypse to start, but its just as possible as anywhere else. So Zombies have began to take over your city and you’re stuck in […]
I’ve always been worried about the eventual zombie apocalypse; when Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide was released, I bought nearly two dozen copies and gave them to friends and family…none of which even thought about zombie-anything, let alone a zombie outbreak. Several of them became zombiephiles after reading the guide. The rest were reluctant to accept the inevitable, but […]
1. Hide from ‘Comets’ Comets, or rather, previously unobserved celestial phenomena, ascribed as comets for want of a better word, have the capacity to blind. Accounts of strange green lights in the night sky, send seasoned Armageddon-dodgers to cellars, bunkers, or darkened rooms. 2. Reject Philanthropy Rose-tinted glasses should be discarded forthwith. A Pan-continental loss of vision, will render the […]
Well, people, it’s official: yer old pal Chester is no longer Idaho’s most eligible zombie survivalist. That’s right, those lonely nights spent sharpening shovels are over! From now on my nights are gonna be spent sharpening shovels in the company of my luscious new girlfriend, Josella Chysalids-Harris. She’s saucy, sexy, and she loves zombies – perfect for me! Now, you […]
The Five MUST-HAVE Zombie Survival Items You’ll Probably Never Think Of
Thanks to the Internet, Zombie Survival is no longer a fringe; mainstream Zombie Survival guides and equipment are hitting the market even as we speak.
But are you sure you’re really prepared for Zombies? Our Zombiephile has analyzed survivor accounts, zombie literature and film and endless reruns of Man Vs. Wild to determine the answer, and what he’s found might surprise you. Learn the secrets of the Five MUST-HAVE Zombie Survival Items You’ll Probably Never Think Of.
Now, I know lots of you read last week’s Zombie Weapon Guide – Ten Zombie Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own – I hope you’ve got your zombie weapons already selected, because the zombie outbreak is right around the corner. This week we’re coming back to zombie defense and zombie weapons, but from a different angle – Armor against zombies. You […]
Ten Zombie Slayin’ Weapons YOU ALREADY OWN!
Anyone who’s seen zombie video like Dawn of the Dead knows that killing zombies is pretty hard work, and tough to do on a budget. The Zombiephiles have a solution – save your money for zombie t-shirts and posters. Don’t waste it preparing for the zombie nation. The Undead Survivalist, our zombie defense poster, has scoured the best zombie movies (and his grandmother’s house) and come up with the ten best zombie slayin’ weapons that you may already own.
I’m Chester, and Zombies Ruined My Life. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Zombies aren’t cool! They’re not! Seriously, they’re not. Zombies are awful! The zombie is a terrifying perversion of humanity! And Zombies ruined my life. That’s right. I used to have a good job, working at the mattress factory, a woman, a dog, a nice […]