19 June 2007

Zombie Weapon Guide - Zombie Armor on a Budget!!!

Zombie Weapon Guide - Zombie Armor and Zombie Personal Defense

Now, I know lots of you read last week’s Zombie Weapon Guide - Ten Zombie Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own - I hope you’ve got your zombie weapons already selected, because the zombie outbreak is right around the corner.

This week we’re coming back to zombie defense and zombie weapons, but from a different angle - Armor against zombies. You didn’t think yer buddy Chester was gonna send you out there buck naked, didja? I scoured Grandma and Uncle Ned’s place this week and I’ve come up with a pretty good list of zombie armor for the zombie weapon guide.

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Zombie Weapon Guide
Zombie Armor #10:
The Ace Bandage
Found in the homes of athletes everywhere. Ace bandages make better defense against zombies than you’d think - they can fill in the in-between spaces in your zombie armor and affords moderate protection from the bites of zombies without cramping your mobility.

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Posted in The Undead Survivalist | 7 Comments »

14 June 2007

Zombie Defense - Ten Zombie-Slayin’ Weapons You Already Own!

Zombie Defense - 10 Zombie Weapons You Already Own

Sure, killin’ zombies with a shotgun just seems natural. I mean, we’ve all seen zombie movies like Dawn of the Dead, read zombie comics or zombie books like The Zombie Survival Guide. We know how to kill zombies with tough-guy weapons. You’ve got to separate the head from the body of the zombie, or destroy the zombie brain.

But in a true zombie outbreak, a widespread pandemic of flesh-eating zombies, that inevitable zombie plague, chances are that you won’t be ready. When zombies arrive, you’ll probably be sitting around at home, doing whatever it is you usually do when you’re sitting around at home. Not thinking about zombies, that’s for sure. To that end I’ve done the legwork. Consult the list, grab a weapon and start killing zombies!

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Zombie Weapon #10:
The Towel/Curtain Rod
Almost every home has one. Grab it, tear it off the wall and start slapping zombies.

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Posted in The Undead Survivalist | 47 Comments »

10 June 2007

Zombies Ruined My Life

I’m Chester, and Zombies Ruined My Life.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Zombies aren’t cool! They’re not!

Seriously, they’re not. Zombies are awful! The zombie is a terrifying perversion of humanity! And Zombies ruined my life.

That’s right. I used to have a good job, working at the mattress factory, a woman, a dog, a nice grill and an above-ground pool and now I got nothing! All because of zombies. The worst part is that zombies aren’t covered by insurance in the United States. That’s right. So if a zombie steps in and ruins your life like it did mine, you’ve got no recourse.

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Posted in The Undead Survivalist | 14 Comments »