I fuckin’ hate zombies!

Well, people, it’s official: yer old pal Chester is no longer Idaho’s most eligible zombie survivalist.

That’s right, those lonely nights spent sharpening shovels are over! From now on my nights are gonna be spent sharpening shovels in the company of my luscious new girlfriend, Josella Chysalids-Harris. She’s saucy, sexy, and she loves zombies - perfect for me!

Now, you all remember how my life was ruined by zombies - well, Josella’s the first good thing that’s happened to me since that fateful zombie-filled night.

My hottie with a naughty body.

She’s randy as a minx and has a hunger…for zombies! And triffids, which I don’t really understand, but which she’s written about this week here on the Zombiephiles. So from now on you’ll be seeing Josella pretty often, when we’re not out riding our 4-wheelers and hunting coons. Raccoons, that is!

Man, things have been going so well for me lately - I even got my job at the mattress factory back! But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how zombies got me the last time - I’m always vigilant now. But at least now I’ve finally found a saucy little minx to share my goal of eradicating zombies from the planet! So keep your eyes peeled for more triffid-inspired posts from my sexy Josella - and try not to be too jealous, Zombiephiles - there’s enough Josella to go around.

Josella Chysalids-Harris

For those unfamiliar with the visionary British ‘Logical Fantasy’ author John Wyndham, triffids are genetically-engineered mobile, carnivorous plants. Standing at least seven foot (over two metres) tall, and clumsily propelled by three leg-like roots, triffids share with more prosaic vegetables the ability to grow through exposure to sunlight and rainwater, and collecting nutrients from soil. However, triffids also have the ability to lash out at animals (including humans) with a long whorl, lacerating the victim, whilst delivering a poisonous dose strong enough to kill a grown man. These biological wonders then slowly digest parts of the rotting carcass.

In The Day of the Triffids, the Soviet created flesh-eating hybrids, are received in the West like a Trojan Horse. Despite the lethal nature of triffids, their cultivation is encouraged on an industrial scale, since triffid-oil has health-giving properties, as well as many profitable applications. When almost everybody on Earth is rendered sightless after viewing mysterious, and hypnotic green ‘comets’, blind panic ensues, and the triffids seize their day.

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That’s right, this week’s Zombie Showdown tackles the one undying question that has been burning in every Zombiephile’s heart for almost two decades: who would win in a fight, Zombies or Skynet?

Skynet, that time-bending artificial intelligence from the Terminator movies (and television show), going head to head with a full-fledged global zombie outbreak. It’s a tough call - let’s see why.

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Rejoice, fellow zombiephiles! After a long, lingering, festering absence, our Zombiephilic site admin has returned and is in the process of re-designing and upgrading The Zombiephiles. Here’s a rundown of a few of the upcoming changes you may or may not notice:

• Gravatar Support. The Zombiephiles now supports Gravatars, avatar icons that follow you from site to site. When you write comments, simply use the email address you’ve registered with at Gravatars and your avatar icon should show up automatically (like mine!)

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