Monthly Archives: September, 2007
How to Make a Zombie Movie in Five Easy Steps
Fellow Zombiephiles, you understand, like we do, that the Zombie as a modern cultural object is derived almost in its entirety from the Zombie Movie, that classic, George Romero-esque horror movie archetype.
You’ve seen them. Probably more of them than you would like. We’ve all seen them.
But seeing zombie movies isn’t enough. Sometimes you just have to blaze out on your own and write a zombie movie. That’s where the Zombiephiles step in. You see, we’ve isolated five easy steps you can quickly take to create your very own zombie movie.
Vampires Vs. Zombies – Quite Easily The Worst Movie I’ve Ever Seen.
If you find yourself trapped in a hellish, Kafkaesque nightmare world equipped with nothing but booze, drugs and Englebert Humperdink albums, you’re still a damn sight better off than this Zombiephile was after watching Vampires Vs. Zombies.
See, Vampires Vs. Zombies is a perfect example of how a movie can exist based solely upon its name. Definitively the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life, I have to confess that I couldn’t get through more than half of the movie – but based on the dearth of reviews out there on this one, I have a feeling I made it a lot farther than most viewers.
Allow me to elaborate. Although the movie is called Vampires Vs. Zombies, it could probably be just as accurately named “Big Titted Chick with Too Much Makeup Vs. Some Random Dude in a Ski-Mask. That’s right. The “Zombie” is a guy in a ski mask. Well, a few guys with ski masks, as you will discover if you can survive the painful first few minutes of the film.
The Zombie Diaries – Is it Just “The Blair Zombie Project”?
If you’ve seen 2006’s “The Zombie Diaries,” you’ll be quick to note the similarities with “The Blair Witch Project,” that ultra-low budget horror flick that made so many moviegoers motion-sick back in 1999.
Here’s the thing, though – “The Zombie Diaries” almost succeeds where “The Blair Witch Project” failed because, basically, the storyline makes a lot more sense.
Told through the eyes of three different groups of survivors, “The Zombie Diaries” was billed as “The Best UK Zombie Movie of the Year” in 2006. Astute Zombiephiles will, of course, note that there really weren’t many zombie movies out of the UK in 2006, so “The Zombie Diaries” self-proclaimed superlative may be a bit overreaching.
Where are the Zombiephiles?
Many eager fans (at least, they look like fans, except for the blood, gore, and constant craving for brains) have been asking lately, “What the hell happened to the Zombiephiles?”
Well, there’s an answer for that.
You see, our Zombiephile has fled the United States, choosing to make his stand against the Zombies in Beijing, China.
The problem is, China must not [...]
